Losing a dog can be more devastating and traumatic than losing a relative or friend. Yet we live in a world where many people regard our beloved dogs as “just a pet.”
A year on from losing my precious Poppy, I share how I’ve survived, and how I’ve learned to find a way forward after saying goodbye my best friend in the whole world.
A Year on from Losing my Heart Dog
Time is a funny beast. Sometimes it seems like it’s a million years since I last caressed those favourite velvety ears of mine. Since I last felt Poppy’s soft fur against my skin. Yet in other ways, it seems like only yesterday. She still appears in my dreams, and those are the times that I really cherish. It’s like I can actually feel her presence – as if I can reach out and touch her.
Pops was always by my side. There wasn’t a single day when my world did not revolve around her. She was the centre of my universe. And when I describe her as my soulmate, I’m not exaggerating. She helped me through so much trauma, through so much heartache. She truly was, and always will be, my absolute heart dog.
Living with anticipatory grief of a losing a dog
I always knew that losing Pops would be the hardest thing I would ever face in my whole life.
A couple of years before losing her, I started to feel an overwhelming sense of grief. I lived in a constant state of anxiety, overwhelmed by fear that I wouldn’t able to cope without her.
That’s when we decided to welcome little Gertie into our lives. And boy I’m so glad we did. I never imagined Pops would like sharing my affection. We were inseparable, she was my confidante, my subconscious. We had the most indescribably intense connection. Often I felt like she knew how I was feeling before I even realised it myself.
But dogs are just amazing creatures, and Pops totally embraced being a big sister to little Gertie. She loved showing her the ropes and taught her so many things that as humans, I don’t think we can ever teach our dogs.
The last couple of years of Poppy’s life were the happiest they could’ve been. I relaxed and just enjoyed her company. The overwhelming sense of fear of losing her subsided, and I was able to make the most of looking after my best friend in her senior years.
Finding a way forward after losing a dog
On the 15th of March 2022, my life changed forever when I kissed my girl goodbye for the very last time.
Having Pops by my side for all those years provided me with so many life skills that I will draw on for the rest of my days. She taught me resilience and strength of character. When I lost her, somehow I knew I had to pick myself up and carry on. I knew life without my girl was going to be unbearable for a while, but she would’ve hated me to give up and not find a way forward.
Pops always knew what I needed, and knew how to look after me. And when she departed this world, she passed the reins to Gertie to be my chief giver of cuddles and provider of sanity, and little Gerts didn’t disappoint.
In those early days after losing Pops, Gertie didn’t leave my side. Whenever she heard so much as a sniff from me she would come and put her paws around my neck and give me that hug that I so desperately needed. There are times I felt like I was going to wash her away with my tears.
I adored my life with Pops. Her company was incomparable to that of any other being on earth. She taught me how to cope with life, and how to carry on in the face of adversity.
As one chapter ends, another begins
On her last weekend with us, we went to view a litter of terrier puppies. I knew in my heart of heart Pops’ days were numbered. And I also knew that Gertie wasn’t cut out to be an only dog. Having welcomed Gertie into our lives just before we were forced into hibernation by the pandemic, Gerts had always suffered from anxiety, and I knew she needed another dog for confidence and reassurance.
The minute I set eyes on this little black and tan terrier I knew she was the right puppy to join our clan. Little Winnie was bold, full of confidence, playful, and bursting with character. She reminded me so much of my precious Pops when she was a puppy, which is why I knew she was the perfect choice.
To this day I will always feel that Pops chose Winnie for us. She has brightened what have been the darkest days and helped me come to terms with the most horrendous sense of loss.
We chose to call her Winnie because it means happiness and she couldn’t be more aptly named. She has bought us so much joy and laughter at a time we needed it most, with her infectious personality, zest for life, and signature Winnie wave!
Poppy will always walk by my side
I can’t help but feel Pops still walks beside me and looks over me and my girls. I wear her paw print on a charm around my neck every single day without fail, and her trusty ball still accompanies us on every dog walk.
Pops wasn’t the sort of dog who would’ve approved of me keeping her ashes in an urn on the mantelpiece. [Not least, because we don’t have one!]
She was a free spirit, and shortly after we lost her, I bought two Japanese blossom trees. Something living that I could plant her ashes in and keep her close to me. But also something I could watch burst into life with the dawn of each new Spring. A reminder that my beautiful girl lives on in spirit.
Whilst some would argue that I’m intensely morbid, I have kept some of her ashes for when we are reunited in another life and can rest in peace together forever.
How Long Does the Grief Last After Losing a Dog?
Those that have loved and lost a dog will know only too well that the pain never subsides. The sense of loneliness and longing never disappears, but somehow you learn to live with it.
Over time the painful memories are replaced with memories of happiness and joy. Little idiosyncratic moments, glimpses of the past, that bring a smile to your face and make you laugh.
There will always be days when the sense of loss is overwhelming and grief will cascade over you like a tidal wave. But that’s the price you pay for loving someone so intensely with every fibre of your body.
There are those that belittle the loss of a precious pet, and dismiss their passing as something insignificant. Only when you have shared your life with such a truly special being, will you understand the huge hole that their leave in your heart.
Dogs don’t just share our living space with us, they inhabit our lives; they become a focus of our love, a distraction from the world around us. We share feelings and thoughts with them that we don’t share with other humans.
Sharing your life with an amazing dog is life’s greatest privilege.
Poppy dog, we loved each other for your whole life, and I will love you for the rest of mine.
[The Blue Cross offer a free and confidential pet bereavement service, details of which can be found here].
Kate, I have so much I want to say, but the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes are hindering it. So I will just say thank you so much for this, it’s truly beautiful.
xxx
Thank you Helen, I know as a fellow devoted dog mum you feel just the same xx
You’ve expressed the deep sense of loss we feel when our companion leaves us and the sheer dread of knowing, as they get older, that the worse day of our life looms ever closer. Beautifully written Kate x
Thanks Michelle. It’s so hard watching our gorgeous dogs get older, they deserve to have much longer lives x
Can totally totally relate! Lovely words and after I’ve stopped sobbing sending love to you xx
Thank you Kirsa xx
Oh Kate, it was so lovely to read this knowing I’m not alone. I lost my soul dog in May and it’s been unbearable. I’m finally starting to feel like I’m not just plodding along as each day comes but it’s still there, still bubbling away beneath the dedicate surface. I read your words and could feel the tears wanting to come. I so wish people were more honest and open about the grief experienced when losing a beloved dog. For me, it’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced ????